Excel in Communication
I came across a very good article on communication by Dr. Mike Moore titled: Communication 101. It focuses on good communication in marriage, but the same principals can and should be used in all of our relationships. Enjoy!
Good communication is the key to happiness. If you find that you’re having challenges and roadblocks in your relationships or marriage, how you communicate with others could be hindering your blessing. This is especially important for married couples. Your level of happiness and true intimacy is based on your ability to talk to and hear each other. In Genesis 2:24 the Bible says, “therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” In order to become one, a married couple must get emotionally transparent with each other. For a man and wife, this is the deepest and closest form of communication. The ability to open up, trust and share without judgment or retaliation will bless you.
Disagreement is the beginning of conflict. Whenever you put two people together there’s going to be conflict. Conflict is not evil, but it is rooted in evil. Two people in a mature relationship or marriage should have the capacity to manage their speech. If so, they are good communicators. James 3:2 reminds us that, “Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.”
What does it mean to communicate? First of all, it does not mean unloading on your spouse. Good communication is the art of listening, watching and sharing. Communication is not just the words we speak, there are non-verbal clues you must be aware of. For example, what is your body language saying? How is your tone of voice? These things are just as important as the words we say. James 3:10 admonishes us that “out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so.” Think about it. How many times have you listened to a married couple’s conversation or listened to how you and your spouse speak to each other? You can listen to how a couple talks to each other and get a sign of communication problems. Good communication requires mutual respect and mutual submission. There are some behaviors to avoid in order for you to have good and effective communication. For example, are you or your spouse full of pride? If so, it’s difficult to have healthy communication. How do you handle conflict? That is a clue to how you relate to and communicate with your spouse. Do you understand the rules for having a good fight? Ephesians 4:26 says, “don’t sin by letting anger control you.”
You must think differently, make a conscious effort and renew your mind to win at communicating effectively. If you had to grade your marriage on how well you communicate, would you have a failing, average or excellent grade? To determine if you’re doing things right, you must ask yourself, how often is your house stormy and overheated with anger? Is communicating with your spouse difficult for you?
Every marriage has conflict, but what you say and how you say it will make the difference in having the marriage you desire.
“Dear Lord, help us to be effective communicators in our marriages, with our children, parents, friends, co-workers, and ultimately with You. Help remind us that it’s not in the ‘what’ we say, but in the ‘how’ we say it. Help us be slow to anger, but quick to listen. It’s in the name of Jesus I pray, Amen.